1. |
KPMG Audit Team
02:08
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KPMG Audit Team
Oh won’t you please,
Please employ me
KPMG, you’re my dream
Oh won’t you please,
Please give me a call
I follow your KPMG twitter feed
I’ve got your logo as the background on my screen
It’s like you know me cause your marketing
It speaks right to me- your blue colour scheme
I love the way you tilt your logo
I can’t get past the rectangles
I sit by your building when I’m free
I study hard, I do the worksheets
You’ve got my heart in your equity
Please take my CV
KPMG Audit Team
Oh won’t you please
Please employ me
KPMG, you’re my dream
Oh won’t you please
Please give me a call
Give me a ca-oo-all
I’m low profit without you
I’m insolvent, immaterial
I’m so mad about you
Don’t be so accrual
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2. |
Smooth Calculator
01:29
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You’re a smooth calculator
A smooth calculator you are
Your debits match your credits
Match your other statements
Match your bank reconciliation
Match the glint in the side of your eye
As you know
That we know
You got it right, oh
Smooth calculator
A smooth calculator you are
You’re a smooth calculator
A smooth calculator you are
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3. |
Mark to Market
02:13
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It’s time to stand against mark to market accounting
It’s misleading, everybody thinking we write what’s happening
People of the world trust us
They put their receipts and faith to us
People of the world confide in us
We know all their secrets, record keeping secrets
Keeping things confiden-ti-al
Ain’t the same as disclosing what’s material
Everyone likes to make up sh$t (how rude)
But we can only do it if they can prove it
“Unfair! Unfair!”
CEO’s cry “Unfair! Unfair!”
But it’s not their right to say
“Won’t you? Won’t you?”
CEO’s try “Won’t you? Won’t you?”
“We’ll give you more pay”
Don’t do it
It’s time to stand against mark to market accounting
It’s misleading, everybody thinking we write what’s happening
Yeah, I know it’s hard
To report things the way they are
But that’s what we’re hired for
Here we go-
Time to stand up x16
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4. |
Forensic is Intense
01:58
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Forensic is intense x6
They deal with crime and money money
They deal with guns hypothetically
They speak in hushed low tones when they speak
They hold the trigger of corporate artillery
They know the cyber gangs, top secret secrets
Metaphorically blood is spilt on balance sheets they read
They walk through dark streets, falsified inventories
Men in trench coats, smoking pipes in alleys
The evidence is written on the statements- crime!
Annual reports and releases lie
They’re the ones who take the bullet
For you and I
They see families of victims cry
Once they’ve explained what the numbers imply
Not everyone gets through it
And still manages to keep the profit
Forensic is intense x6
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5. |
End of Financial Year
02:11
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It’s end of financial year
Time for a siesta
It’s end of financial year
Let’s have a fiesta
We’re the engines broom
Make the big world run
The reports are filed
And it’s all been done
It’s end of financial year
Let’s have a fiesta
Hoo-le-hoo-le-hoo x2
the tax is in
Hoo-le-hoo-le-hoo x2
the tax is in
Checked the law from the outside
Checked receipts on the inside
The bank didn’t match with the figures on my sheet
And it made me cry
Brought myself a new file
Slicked my hair tax accountant style
Drew up a new spread sheet, got it all fine
I made up some numbers but I
I made the bottom line hoo-lay-oh
Dancing in the office aisle hoo-lay-oh
The partner gave me a smile
I made it on time
It’s end of financial year
Time for a siesta
It’s end of financial year
Let’s have a fiesta
We’re the engines broom
Make the big world run
The reports are filed
And it’s all been done
It’s end of financial year
Let’s have a fiesta
Hoo-le-hoo-le-hoo x2
The tax is in
Hoo-le-hoo-le-hoo x2
The tax is in
I made the bottom line hoo-lay-oh
Dancing in the office aisle hoo-lay-oh
A partner gives me a smile
I made it in time
I made the bottom line hoo-lay-oh
Dancing in the office aisle hoo-lay-oh
A partner gives me a smile
I made it in time
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6. |
IB Dead People
02:15
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No it can't be!
Oh but it is
He came out of the building?
I never thought I'd see this day
Times are heavy you've got to be nimble
IB dead people
Lights in the city at 3 in the morning
IB heed the warning
Hoo ha IB Dead People
Hoo ha HA!
Hoo ha IB Dead People
Hoo ha HA!
Watch out zombies- they're after brains
Inside knowledge your loss and gain
Charting routes to stomp through
Watch out money, they're after you
Biting down tasting blood
IPO floating in an endless corporate flood
Trading cards with action figures
Percentage figures salary slaves come hither
(It's cash you know you want it x2)
Times are heavy you've got to be nimble
IB dead people
Lights in the city at 3 in the morning
IB head the warning
Hoo ha IB Dead People
Hoo ha HA!
Hoo ha IB Dead People
Hoo ha HA!
Ahhhh!
Profit?
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7. |
Redundant
01:49
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Labour restructuring
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
I worked hard over years
But they filled my spot with a HD grad who volunteers
I know tonnes of shit
I've done lots of it
But its the end of the road for me
I can't charge my six figure client fee
I'm redundant
Maybe I should set up a managed fund for my fish and my mum?
I'm redundant
I could get into private equity- why won't my drug dealer answer me?
Redundant
It was fun those few times I had fun
Redundant redundant
I'm an ex-bank think-tank, shiny watch, big wank
I should've known the day would come
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
Redundant redundant redundant ergh
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||||
Meri Amber
I study accounting y'all... Accounting is hot.
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